I need support

Day before yesterday, I posted in a group chat of female friends celebrating losing inches in my waist.  This is a group of women who is usually supportive of other women and build them up.  One of my friends messaged me privately and said I was being insensitive and tone deaf celebrating there because we all struggle with body image issues, especially during the pandemic.  She said she thought we had different beliefs on fat phobia, diet culture, and that she sees it as an issue of power and privilege (thin privilege) because I am no longer 200 lbs.  

It has sent me into a tailspin.  I am sad, angry, depressed, anxious.  I am having trouble working when not in a direct meeting.  I binged the past 2 days and am fighting the urge to binge again.  I have been so thoughtful about my diet, made sure I was eating enough, eating nutritious food, relating to it in a healthy way mentally, and doing it out of self-love.  I am so angry I think I am turning it in on myself so I don't hurt others.  

She hit a soft spot for me.  When others stomp on my joy, it hits hard.  I feel fragile around getting to be happy.  I could use some support.  I want to stop the cycle of binging and get to a more centered place again.   Please.  Any kind, supportive words would be really appreciated.  I could really use them right now.

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    • Gen
    • Gen.6
    • 3 yrs ago
    • Reported - view

    I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this! There is no reason for you not to celebrate! Unless you were celebrating your smaller waist while everyone was talking about someone that died or something similar, then there isn't anything wrong with what you did. Doesn't everyone do a little happy dance and want to share with their friends when good things are happening??? I'm sorry they weren't more supportive.  I'm sure it feels like a gut punch, and I'm hoping your friends realize they've done you wrong. You can always come here and I'm sure we'll do a happy dance with you!!!

    Chin up! You have to celebrate the small things these days - and no one should put a damper on that!

    I'm proud of you for losing some inches in your waist - I think you should have a huge low carb party! It would be a blast! Don't forget that you're just cashing in on all that hard work. Don't let anyone diminish that!!!

    Like 4
    • Stardust
    • Stardust.1
    • 3 yrs ago
    • Reported - view

    Thank you all for the kind words and support. I really needed it. I wasn't prepared for that kind of response from my friend and I was shocked that what I previously thought of as a safe place no longer felt safe. I am getting back on track and feeling stronger each day. Thanks again and please feel free to reach out or friend me.

    Like 1
    • Montse
    • Montse
    • 3 yrs ago
    • Reported - view

    Hi. Sorry your friends couldn't be happy for you and supporting you on your achievement. You said it was a supportive forum, keep hearing your friends who did cheer with you, for you. 

    Only one felt had to step out of the public eye. That's a bit dangerous. To take the bully position privately. It is hard to take that stance on the public forum. Risk that she would be shushed, for belittling your joy. 

    Well done you. Whatever grand or small your achievement. Keep going. 

    Like 1
    • RachK8
    • RachK8
    • 3 yrs ago
    • Reported - view

    Celebrate your wins and re-evaluate your circle of friends. It takes no effort for a true friend to support your milestones regardless of their own insecurities or issues.  

    Like 1
    • Sarah
    • sburn
    • 3 yrs ago
    • Reported - view

    It stinks that you weren't able to celebrate your successes! Perhaps your friend felt threatened and I can understand that feeling but it seems the point of supporting each other was completely forgotten.

    It might be a stretch, but if you compare it to infertility, you might be hurt if a friend got pregnant (or had a hormonal success that would help with getting pregnant) when you were all struggling to get pregnant. But you wouldn't private message her to tell her that was wrong to share, right? I mean, that's the point of support, to share lows and celebrate highs especially little ones!

    I hope you were able to find a way to set a boundary with her, but also be compassionate of her own struggles. And I hope you have found a way to celebrate the small steps and keep going!

    How are things going for you now? 

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