One Week in and Down 9 lbs

I started Keto because I went to my doctor's office for an ear infection and the scale slapped me in the face. That darn thing had the audacity to say 310lbs. It was then I realized I was going to kill myself with eating before my youngest graduated high school if I did not change. Sitting there talking to my doctor about my ears I told her I needed help. My weight was out of control and I didn't know what to do. She told me to try apple cider vinegar. A medical professional told me to try apple cider vinegar for weight loss. I understood then that I got myself into this mess and I would have to get myself out.

I picked up my CarbManager app two weeks later, I confess I was wallowing in self-pity and probably chocolate, and started logging everything. I had another appointment a week later with my endocrinologist, yes I am diabetic. We talked about my weight and the effect it has on my body and I told her my realization that I was alone in this. Being the good doctor she is she told me I wasn't because we were going to figure out why I had so much trouble with food, why it is the thing I turn to when I am upset. 

This is where things get real. She told me I was at my heaviest yet since starting to see her in 2017. I was 301 lbs. But wait, I just weighed 310lbs three weeks ago. What was the change, she wanted to know.  I got out my app. We looked over the gradual fall in carbs and increase in fats. At this point, she wanted to know if I had noticed a change in my blood sugars. So we get out my pump and plug it in. I could see it.

My last non-keto day was Aug 15th. Starting the very next day I was at half my normal insulin usage. Today I am 50 units down from what I used to use daily. Yes, I used a butt-ton of insulin, I am highly insulin resistant, thanks mom. This isn't just about weight. This is about health. Am I healthier than when I started? Yes, a thousand times yes. I am at almost normal type 2 diabetic insulin usage. My blood pressure is within the normal range. I am starting to feel better overall. 

But, I am scared. I have done the weight loss thing. I have done every diet you can think of. I start out strong, but every time I end up being sad, fat, me. Failing! I am terrified I will fail and maybe that is a self-fulfilling prophecy but I am tired of failing. I am by nature an overachiever. I have to be the best at everything I do. I have so much self-doubt because this battle of the bulge is the one thing I have never succeeded at. Terror creeps in spontaneously and I have no idea how to battle that. The fear of failure is, I think, something that is holding me back. How do you overcome that?